Friday started out normal enough. Drive to work, answer some calls, write a few emails, drive to the jobsite. Half the expected contractors don’t show up, drive back to the office in time to have lunch with my lovely wife at her office one mile away.
After lunch I planned to go back to my office, finish up some paperwork, read some older posts on my new favorite blogs, and do some more research on this fucking tweeting thing (I know it’s not new but since I find facebook repulsive, I decided to finally look into it–OK? I mean, I’m not so old that I reject new technology…I said I know it’s not new, fuck!)
Anyway, I’m on my way back to my office after lunch. I’m waiting in the left-hand turn lane for the magical green arrow that ensures my dominance over the intersection. It points a green finger, I drive. There’s a guy coming from the other direction looking to turn right on to the same street I’m turning on. I know he’s got a red light, so of course he’s going to stop and not just make his turn and drive his car into mine. Fucking shitstain hits me. Now I’m not married to my car and I don’t obsess over it. People make mistakes. I’m cool. We’ll work this out.
Maybe not this time.
I stop my car but he drives on, like nothing happened. What the fuck? Now I’m a little pissed but maybe he’s looking for a better spot to pull over. I’m cool. I pull up behind him and we wait for the next light to turn green. When it does he drives through the intersection AND KEEPS ON GOING! Fuck me in the ear! Now I’m One-Adam-fucking -12, in pursuit of a shitstain dirtbag. I’m a race car in the fuckin red. I’m honking my horn and pointing to the right. He keeps looking at me in his rear-view mirror. He pulls up to a stop sign and pulls over to the side. Finally! I stop my car and open the door to get his information and as soon as I step out of the car, he drives off again! I’m turning into Superfly T.N.T. now and as I jump back into my car I remember I need to get this fucker’s license plate number but I can’t remember shit for 5 minutes and I can’t find a pen so I grab my phone and try to get the camera on. This guy just wants away from me now and he’s running and I can’t get the camera to work so I switch over to the voice recorder and scream out the license plate and car color and make “BLUE HONDA, 954-VKN!” I’m still honking and pointing and since my phone is on bluetooth I am now screaming 911! at my dashboard.
At every stop sign more and more cars get between us. The 911 dispatch tells me to stop pursuit and pull over and wait for Seattle Police to come and take a statement.
As I wait I survey the yet unseen damage and imagine my week old copstache will help me bond with the cop that shows up and he’ll take some paint samples off my car, find the asshole responsible and club him to death.
An hour later I get a call that nobody’s coming and they’ll call later and take a statement on the phone. Fuck.
I go back to work and wait. I call the insurance company and give them a statement. They assure me they will fix my car. It will cost me the $500 deductible. Fuck Fuck Fuck. They said in their experience the cops will do nothing but take a statement since there were no injuries. And my insurance premiums will probably increase…
Fuck me. My neck hurts.
I can just see it – “Sir, stop pursuit. Stop pursuit, sir.” LOL. This is one of those situations that is funny for us to hear about, but I’m sure not funny at all for you experiencing it. Sucks man, but it could be worse, you could’ve been videotaped and put on one of those “car chase” shows. Glad you are OK, physically.
Thanks Fern. It could definitely be worse. Who hits someone and drives off? What a douche.
And to make matters worse…..it was raining. Right?
‘Tis the season…..
Oddly enough, it wasn’t raining at the time. The one saving grace. It’s raining now though…
What a pisser!!!!! Cool you chased him down. Too bad you didn’t get a hold of him and…ok…I’m fine…that’s bad. That sucks man!!! He’ll get his. There is always hope, and karma, and google…Sorry to hear of yer accident tho. Sending car and neck love!!
Yeah it’s all good, it’ll work itself out. Bastard! Thanks for the love! And thanks for reading!
Nice stash on Grumpy. Bummer about the car but glad your okay.
Thanks G! Always wanted a fro like that…
I hate when that happens! On the bright side, you got a good story out of it, and made me chuckle again.
Glad about that! Thanks for stopping in. I forwarded your blog to my brother-in-law in Grass Valley. He was our recent trip and will love your blog. You may be hearing from him
That’s cool! Thank you.
Grass Valley? Must be the after effects of the accident! I won’t hold that against you brother. G
Sorry brother, meant Meadow Vista. Hey it was like 4 in the morning, and all those Ca towns sound alike to me…
You are my hero for running the guy down. Sometimes karma can feel like vengeance, so I hope his karma involves massive damage to his car–without damage to his actual person. Also, love your colorful language. I only have one go-to curse and you know I’m really pissed when I use it.
Thanks! It took me a while to neutralize the adrenaline rush of the whole event. I just hope he gets what he deserves. I’m a construction guy so I speak fluent colorful (also catching up on last season’s Dexter, love the words they come up with). Thanks for commenting!
Can’t think of any appropriate verbiage for this incident…so…just… I’m sooooooooo sorry. Good story, though, and hooray that you chased him.
#1 I’m really sorry, that is a rotten thing for anyone to do. #2 Fuck me in the ear is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. People can suck.
I borrowed that one from Debra on Dexter, and that’s not even the funniest! Thanks for laughing with me!
Bummer …. too bad Freddie wasn’t with you to take the wheel!
I laughed out loud when I read that Frank! Freddy won’t be driving in any car I’m in anymore. Thanks for stopping in and making me laugh on Monday!
Grrrr! Holy crap that dude is just glad it wasn’t me behind the wheel. I know I’m the size of a small gopher but when I get pissed I absolutely lose all common sense. My Ericka brain would have been all like “Hey, let’s ram right into his trunk and see if he notices this time.” I’m no good for the public roadways…
Don’t think I didn’t consider that! I’m a pretty mellow guy but that kind of thing can shorten my fuse in a hurry!
Thanks for checking it out and backing me up!
Sucks to be you…at that moment. Not really though, you seem like a cool guy to hang with. You know, 20 yrs ago you and I both would have chased him down, pulled him out of the car and beat some sense into him. Thank God for maturity eh? So nothing happens from here? Don’t the authorities find him via the license plate and press charges?
I can see that happening…Apparently the police are too busy. They told me they did not have the resources to investigate or prosecute. Said they can’t even get to the hit and run cases with injuries. WTF?
Ok, you definitely win. I just rolled on the ground looking for a rock – you actually chased the guy down! Fuck yeah!
Knowing that you’re okay – this is some of the funniest shit i’ve read in a long time.
(You can probably look up their license on the DMV site, find out where they live…black mail – just saying)
My brother’s a cop. It’s handled, that’s all I’m saying…
I gotcha. Wink wInk nudge nudge.
And thanks for reading Mike!
OMG, I’m the most non-confrontational person on the planet but if that had happened to me, I’d have gone ballistic! And not sure I’d have stopped when 911 said to. You’re lucky you didn’t catch him, though. He might have had a gun. Just sayin’ …
Yeah , I’m not much on confrontation either but that guy really got to me. You’re right, It’s probably a good thing I didn’t catch him. But I do have his address…